The Nazi Returns
by PumaMav Enterprises
Summary: Mav's next chapter in the TXFFON Saga


Mid-1900's  
  
  
Tom Hanks glared and shouted, "ATTACK!" as his small band of soldiers were being wiped out on Beachead. The Americans were finally invading but they were losing, and lost they did. Hundreds of dead american soldiers lay dead. Tom sighed, as he escaped back to his boat and sailed away.   
  
  
  
"Satan!" he shouted, "GIVE ME THE ABILITY TO DESTROY MY ENEMIES, AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SOUL!" an arm band then magically appeared on his wrist and an evil voice spoke, "Upon success your soul is mine. Bitch." and a huge army of american soldiers appeared, and they invaded again. This time of course, successful. But upon completion of this, Satan took Tom Hanks soul, and the arm band, fell to the ground.   
  
  
  
Current Day   
  
  
  
Mav grinned throwing his pick axe against the Egyptian door. He was looking for a prize, something from over 50 years ago. Puma approached with some TNT, "Enough with the Pick Axe Mav. We can blow this door open the old fashioned way." he said laying the charges. They both ran away as the door exploded.   
  
  
  
"So you acctually think the Nazi Arm Band lies here? in this old egyptian tomb?" Puma asked.  
  
"Yes.. I know it is here.. I can feel it.. Isn't it strange how I know the way there?" Mav said.  
  
"No not really.. There isn't any other passages to follow.." Puma grinned.   
  
  
  
They approached another door, it seemed larger and stronger then the previous ones, on the door was a combination key. Suddenly Mav had a flash back.   
  
  
  
  
  
Mid-1900's   
  
  
  
Mav watched as the combination was put in and the door opened.   
  
  
  
Current Day   
  
  
  
Mav shook his head and quickly put the combination in, the door opened. "See! It is just like those dreams I had!"   
  
  
  
Webslacker ran up, "ooh! ooh! Look a box!!" Mav and Puma looked at each other, "Where the hell did he come from?"   
  
  
  
Webslacker quickly ran to the box and popped it open.   
  
  
  
Suddenly the room was filled with water and they were all drowning.   
  
  
  
"DAMN IT WEBSLACKER!" Mav shouted, he pulled his rocket launcher out of his pocket and blew a hole in the ceiling. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he said, pulling himself up.   
  
  
  
Webslacker remained silent still holding the box he found, "Look a bracelet!" he said, he quicky put it on his wrist. He then tried to take it off, "HEY THIS THING DON'T COME OFF!"   
  
  
  
"Well duh, its a Nazi relic.. Nazi stuff is cursed." Mav said, "You'll probably die now."   
  
  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE........   
  
  
  
A large group of people were digging a hole in the ground, for this was the resting place of Tom Hanks, who would guide them to TXFFON (also known as Satan.) They would resurrect him and bring forth the apocalypse, because they are quite stupid.   
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon watched the crowd from under his cheap cloak, as Martha Stewart said, "Mav and Puma have the armband, which will guide us to the resting place."  
  
"We must kill them and take the bracelet!" said an review monkey d00d.  
  
Fighting Falcon shook his head, and quickly ran away.   
  
  
  
  
  
PUMA MAV ENTERPRISES HQ - - 12 HOURS LATER   
  
  
  
Mav threw his weaponry at the door and walked in, Puma followed behind, as did Webslacker who had followed them yet again.   
  
  
  
As they walked into the building they realized they were surrounded by Neo-Nazi's.  
  
"Oh shit." Webslacker said as he ran out the front door, only to be kidnapped by another group of Neo-nazi's.   
  
  
  
Mav jumped for his rocket launcher, and pulled an axe out of his pocket. "Yo Neo-Nazi's.. LETS GO!'   
  
Puma grinned as he pulled out some very large needles and began throwing them at the Nazi's. "They are after the arm band!" Puma shouted, "We gotta get out of here.." as Mav finished off killing the last Nazi.  
  
But then Puma realized that they had stolen his pet monkey, Jimbo. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" He shouted, "THEY MUST BE AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM!"   
  
  
  
  
  
Mav stood above a balcony in the british museum, shaking his head as the neo-nazi's continued their ritual. He quickly noticed Webslacker tied up and a small monkey corpse burning in a well established lava pit. They were about to do the same to Webslacker. Puma looked at Mav, "He ran away, only to be caught."   
  
Mav grinned, "Lets avenge Jimbo! How about we wreck this party?" "Good call!" Puma chimed in.  
  
Mav pulled out his chainsaw which was donated to him by Ash, and jumped the balcony, and quickly scared the neo-nazis, "YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS!" he then chased them all around until they all jumped into a well established lava pit.   
  
  
  
The Leader of the Neo-Nazis, Martha Stewart, however was not scared and continued the ritual of resurrecting Tom Hanks. Mav_^ ran at her but fell over as Puma Man finally jumped the balcony landing on him, and most likely breaking some bones in Mavs body.  
  
The Evil Neo-Nazi glared and threw his arms in the air, Tom Hanks stood up and laughed evilly, "I HAVE RETURNED!" he then spotted Mav and Puma, "NO! NOT THEM!" He quickly grabbed Webslacker and threw him at his two enemies in hope that it would slow them down as he made his quick escape.  
  
Webslacker looked at the two, "Wow You guys saved me! Meesa your humble servant, massa!"  
  
"Oh christ." Puma said.  
  
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Mav yelled.  
  
"Hey, we don't want any annoying stereotypes hanging around us." Puma quickly said.  
  
"Meesa owes you life debt! I will accompany you until I perform the same favor you bestowed upon me." Webslacker said.  
  
Puma sighed, "Fine you can come with us, but if you get in our way, We're slicing off your head. That little stunt with Mav's website wasn't funny."  
  
"Okay so now what?" Puma asked.  
  
"Well now we have Tom Hanks running around, however they need the necronomican to have TXFFON come back to life." Mav said.  
  
"..and we have the necronomican." Puma said, he then looked around and realized they were being surrounded by ugly mummies.  
  
"Eh Gotta go!" Webslacker yelled as he ran out the front doors, Mav and Puma shrugged as they ran after him.  
  
Mav, Puma and Webslacker looked in the parking lot at their choice of escape vehicles, The Batmobile, a City Bus with very low gas mileage, and of course an old oldsmobile used in many classic Sam Raimi films. They quickly ran to the bus.   
  
  
  
Puma grabbed the wheel, as Mav prepared his arsenal of weaponry, including a large sword, a double barreled shotgun, and a few rocket launchers.  
  
Webslacker quickly found a hiding place under a seat.   
  
  
  
The bus took off down the streets as they were chased by a bunch of ugly mummies, Mav opened a window and took a few out with his rocket launchers.   
  
  
  
The Mummies were quickly overwhelming our heroes, and managed to grab Webslacker, "NOOOOO!" Webslacker screamed as the Mummy dragged him off the bus.   
  
  
  
"NO! They have the Bracelet! They can find the resting place of TXFFON!" Puma yelled.  
  
"True but they need the Necronomican." Mav said as he beheaded a nazi mummy.  
  
Then a nazi walked up, smacked Mav and took the Necronomican and left.  
  
  
  
"Ah crap." Mav said. "We're going to need some help."   
  
  
  
  
  
Bruce Wayne and Ash sat in Wayne Manor laughing at a dumb tv show.. When suddenly the bat phone rang, it had been three years since they had retired.   
  
  
  
"OH MY GOD THE CALL!" Ash said, Bruce picked up the phone, "Batman here."  
  
"Yeah... uh huh.. Right, we'll be there in 2.5 minutes."   
  
  
  
"What was that Bruce?" Ash asked.   
  
  
  
"Mav and Puma are fighting off Evil Nazi Mummies and need are help, something about the world ending in 7 days if we don't."  
  
"Oh. How comes we always get dragged into this shit?"  
  
"Because, The author is uncreative and can't invent new characters."  
  
"Oh I see."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Batman and Ash pulled up in an old Caddilac that they had stolen from some guy on the street on the way to England to meet Mav and Puma. They stepped out of the car and grinned as they approached the two people who had written them.   
  
  
  
"Damn it! I don't want to save Webslacker!" Puma said, "The world would be better off without him."  
  
"I don't want to save him either, but, the only way to stop TXFFON is to save him." Mav replied.  
  
"Why don't you just kill him?" Ash said walking up to the group, "Then run far far away with this arm band."   
  
"That was Ash's intelligent phrase of the story." Batman said.  
  
"Yeah, too bad he always is intelligent when he doesn't need to be." Puma said.  
  
"Hey, you wrote him Puma."  
  
"Ah bite me."   
  
  
  
"Well, the group is heading for a place called 'Nazi Cemetary' somewhere in a lost jungle in Egypt.. I have an old friend who has secured us air transportation." Mav said as his friend approached, "Everyone meet Mr. T."   
  
  
  
"WASSUP FOO'S!?" Mr. T said approaching, everyone gasped.   
  
  
  
"I thought you died of cancer!" Puma said.  
  
"SHUTUP FOO! BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FACE."   
  
"So did you get us the Airboat?" Mav asked.  
  
"YEAH I TOOK CARE OF THAT FOO-ISH LITTLE WORM GUARDIN' THE THING. BUT THAT WEBSLACKER BETTER NOT TOUCH MY SHIP."   
  
  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE ON A TRAIN FROM ENGLAND TO EGYPT....   
  
  
  
  
  
Tom Hanks looked around, as his face returned to normal after killing some children. "Excellent." He walked around, and finally approached Webslacker who was being guarded by about 300 Neo-Nazi's.   
  
  
  
"Hello Little Friend, you'll be guiding us to the Lost Jungle in Egypt where TXFFON sleeps!"  
  
"Uh. Okay don't hurt me, and we'll be cool k?" Webslacker said with a fake grin, "Just don't ask for any websites because I'll put them off for all eternity."   
  
  
  
Tom Hanks grinned, "As soon as we arrive to the temple in the lost jungle.." He lifted his hand and held out a dagger, "Your head will be resting on this. For all eternity. "   
  
  
  
Webslacker gulped. He began to realize that the reason his life was coming to an end so soon was because of the fact that he was well a slacker. He began to realize that if he wasn't a slacker his life would be much better.   
  
  
  
MEANWHILE AT THE AIR BOAT...   
  
  
  
  
  
Mav stepped into the airboat and began looking around, thats when Fighting Falcon showed up. "I see you have found out about your mission." he said.   
  
  
  
Mav turned around to look at his old friend, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Fighting Falcon smiled, "I am here for a simple reason, I am a guardian of the Jungle Temple, and if TXFFON comes back, her nazi army will as well, and the Guardian Army will have to face her."  
  
Mav nodded, "And your here now to help us so that doesn't happen?"  
  
Fighting Falcon nodded, "Yep."  
  
"Let's go then." Mav said as the rest of the gang hopped onboard. They quickly took off and began their pursuit of the Nazi's.   
  
  
  
BACK AT THE TRAIN....   
  
  
  
After a pit stop to make supplies at the first 'Waypoint' of their journey to the Jungle Temple, Webslacker decided that he wasn't going to die here, he quickly pulled out his Laptop and began writing some HTML Tags that he could leave behind for Mav and Puma. Unfortunately, Webslacker, being the slacker that he is, half-assed the HTML tags. They were quickly off again.   
  
  
  
Mav Puma and the rest of the gang soon arrived as this waypoint and discovered the HTML tag, "They are going to uh.. DAMN IT AND HIS TYPO'S!" Puma said.   
  
  
  
Mr. T walked over, "WELL DAMN THAT! HERE LET ME FIX IT." he picked up the HTML, and corrected the many errors.   
  
"They are headed to.. Waypoint 2 apparently!" Puma said. "WE MUST GO THERE TOO!"   
  
  
  
and so they were off.   
  
  
  
Eventually after Waypoint 3 and 4, they caught up with the Nazi's, and the final battle was about to begin.   
  
  
  
  
  
The airboat landed in the jungle, "Strange." Puma said, "I thought Egypt was all desert!"   
  
"That is why it is called the Lost Jungle fool." Mav said.  
  
"I HATE THIS." Mr. T said.   
  
  
  
Batman and Ash followed the group through the jungle and it was soon apparent they were very close to the Nazi group.   
  
  
  
Batman pulled out his Baseball Bat, and Ash put on his chainsaw, Mav threw on a Proton Pack, Puma pulled out a fully automatic shotgun, and Mr. T he grabbed a hammer. However Fighting Falconstood back and pulled out a spear. He was going to wait. "I must send word to the Guardians that we have arrived. They will have to prepare for battle." He lifted his hand and a small bird landed on his hand, "Alright Piggy, you need to tell the Army to get ready for battle and to be here in 20 minutes!" Fighting Falcon said.  
  
The bird nodded and flew off, suddenly there was a gunshot and the bird fell to the ground.   
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon dropped to his knees and began crying uncontrollably. "THEY KILLED PIGGY! NOOOO!!"   
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone except for Fighting Falcon who was still crying attacked the group of Nazi's, Martha Stewart and Tom Hanks made a break for the temple, just as the Temple Guardians, Mini-Nazi Skeletons, jumped out and began battling everyone.   
  
  
  
  
  
The PumaMav gang was winning, but the Mini-Nazi's were getting annoying, "We gotta get to the temple!It'll be 7 days in 5 minutes, and Webslacker will die and TXFFON will be unleashed!! We gotta get him in the temple!" Batman yelled as he beat the crap out of all the dumb mini-nazi's.   
  
  
  
They ran forward and found Webslacker tied to a tree with a sign stapled to it reading: FREE MEAL.   
  
  
  
Ash took this as an invitation and bit off Webslackers arm.   
  
  
  
"AH CRAP! THATS ONLY HALF DONE! DAMN YOU SLACKER!"   
  
  
  
They grabbed Webslacker and ran to the temple, the sun was catching up with them quickly, and if it touched Webslacker.. He was dead, and TXFFON lived.   
  
  
  
They ran into the temple right as the sun hit them, he was lucky.   
  
  
  
"Unfortunate." Tom Hanks said stepped up behind Webslacker with a knife, he quickly cut his arm off, "The Return of TXFFON will not be stopped by you." He quickly ran off, and let a group of Nazi's attack our heroes.   
  
  
  
Suddenly the Superman theme song started playing, and a few planes flew overhead.   
  
  
  
"OH MY GOD! IT IS PRESIDENT COKIE!" Batman yelled.   
  
  
  
Cokie parachuted down to the temple to meet his old friends.   
  
  
  
"Always Coca Cola!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"yep."  
  
"Definately."  
  
"Screw Pepsi."   
  
  
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon remained in the jungle, still crying as a group of Mini-Nazi's approached him. He growled with anger, hatred.. and a familiar voice said, "YES! LET THE DARK SIDE FLOW THROUGH YOU."  
  
Fighting Falcon growled some more, he reached back in his pocket and pulled out a double bladed light saber, he began killing all the mini-nazi's. He then ran to get the Army.   
  
  
  
Mav_^, Puma, Batman, Ash and Mr. T sat at the temple, Mr.T gasped as someone stepped up behind him and jammed a knife in his heart. "NOOOOOO" He screamed, he fell over and died!   
  
  
  
"NO THEY CAN'T KILL MR. T!!"   
  
  
  
Mav growled and ran into the temple, he spotted Martha Stewart.  
  
"YOU CANNOT STOP ME NOW IT IS TOO LATE!" She said sticking the arm band into a machine labeled: Bring TXFFON back to life.   
  
  
  
Mav gasped, "Oh my god.. We're too late."   
  
  
  
Mav continued his journey into the temple, he spotted Tom Hanks walking into an arena. He laughed, "Now I must return to TXFFON so she can become super powerful!" he said as he jumped into a lava pit. Suddenly some bigger doors opened, and out came... TXFFON in her Nazi Uniform.   
  
  
  
"FUCK YOU YOU SPECIOUS AMERICA LOVER! PREPARE TO FACE THE BLADE OF NAZI SUPREME POWER."   
  
  
  
Mav narrowed his eyes and pulled out his sword, "Say hello to Germany.. BITCH."  
  
They began the sword fight.   
  
  
  
  
  
Puma looked at Mr. T, "Hey I got an idea! We gotta go get the book of the dead and bring Mr. T Back to life!"  
  
Batman and Ash nodded, "Good idea!"   
  
They ran to the airboat and flew back to America to pick up the book with Mr. T.   
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon returned with his army just as the Nazi army began its approach, "Kill them all." Fighting Falcon said, with a tear in his eye.   
  
  
  
They charged and began wiping out the army.   
  
  
  
Cokie looked around as one of the evil Nazi's approached him, "mmm Coca Cola..."   
  
"Coca Cola hates you bitch! Don't even think about it!" Cokie said pulling out a bazooka.   
  
  
  
Mav continued the sword fight with TXFFON, "I'l destroy you.. Like I did before he/she."  
  
"You Specious Moron. You cannot destroy me. My Nazi Army is more powerful then you can possibly imagine."  
  
Mav then cut off TXFFON's head.   
  
  
  
"FOOL! YOU WILL NEVER STOP ME. YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT I CAN NEVER BE STOPPED."  
  
Mav took the sword and jammed it in TXFFON's head and picked it up so he could talk to her eye to eye.  
  
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"   
  
"FOOL! I AM A SUPREME POWER IN THE UNIVERSE."  
  
"I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOU FUCKING SPECIOUS AMERICA LOVING SPECIOUS PIGS."   
  
  
  
MEANWHILE IN AMERICA..   
  
  
  
  
  
Puma picked up the book of the dead and began reciting, "No no let me do it!" Ash said.   
  
  
  
"KLATO! VERATA! NICTOO!" He shouted, suddenly there was an earth quake, Mr. T awoke...as did an army of deadites.   
  
  
  
"Oh shit."  
  
"I PITY DA FOO WHO AWOKE THOSE DEADITES."   
  
  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE IN THE LOST JUNGLE OF EGYPT...   
  
  
  
Mav lowered the sword with TXFFON's head on it and kicked her onto the ground. He then raised his foot and kicked her into a lava pit.   
  
  
  
"NO! I WILL BE BACK! I WILL BE BACK!!!!!!!" Her liquid metal body began melting in the lava and she died..again.   
  
  
  
  
  
Mav looked around and quickly grabbed all the treasure he could find and ran away.   
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon continued beating the living hell out of the Nazi Army, his total kill score: 90000, while the army had barely killed 1 themselves.   
  
  
  
"THIS IS FOR PIGGY!" he shouted for the 9 millionth time as he gutted a Nazi.   
  
  
  
Cokie waddled up and said, "You've killed that corpse about 30 times Fighting Falcon.."   
  
  
  
Mav ran out of the temple just as a massive earth quake occured, suddenly the jungle was being vaccuumed up into the temple.   
  
  
  
Mav hit his rocket boots, grabbed Cokie and flew away.   
  
  
  
Fighting Falcon stood behind, shocked as he was left behind. Suddenly he was sucked into the temple.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
-- COMING SOON --   
  
"The Deadite King"  
  



End file.
